Tuesday 30 November 2021

The Hapless Husband and his Curious Wife by Helen E Field BLOG TOUR #BookExtract #HelenEField @RandomTTours #TheHaplessHusband


Essex girl Brooke secretly works for Lady Townsend, who’s attempting to transform her into a lady, by offering her an eye-opening education. She exposes Brooke to some mind-boggling experiences and a class of people a million miles away from her own, resulting in some seriously funny social faux pas along the way. Brooke’s outlook changes as she takes advantage of these opportunities to better herself, with often comic results! Meanwhile her husband Dean is clueless as to why his normally ditsy wife appears to be acting so weird.

Meanwhile, Dean has been set a challenge by his boss. He’s been tasked with making their workforce the most diverse in the industry, but Dean’s unorthodox approach to recruiting, reveals that he struggles with the very concept of what he considers a ‘woke’ request. In addition, he’s still keeping his mystery shopping side hustle a secret from his demanding wife, ensuring he gets some ‘me time’ away from her and their boisterous toddler Paige.

The farcical situations they find themselves in as a result of their lies, cause off the scale stress for them both. How much longer can they withstand the deceit? Will Brooke’s transformation make her long-suffering husband feel left behind? Or will it improve all their lives? It’s that or even more chaos…

The story pokes fun at a myriad of people and institutions and is a wonderfully eclectic mix of Gavin & Stacey, Pygmalion and Legally Blonde!

The Hapless Husband and His Curious Wife by Helen E Field was published in paperback on 18 November 2021. As part of this #RandomThingsTours blog tour, I'm delighted to share an extract from the book here with you today. 

Extract from The Hapless Husband and his Curious Wife
by Helen E Field 

Brooke bobbed about amongst the bubbles, frowning and fidgeting wildly, before peering down inside Tuesday’s bikini. Her discomfort eventually compelled her to thrust her hand down inside the left cup and underneath her breast, lifting it up and around, before locating and removing a small piece of Lego. She tutted and threw it on the grass. Continuing to hold her left breast in her right hand for a minute, she inspected it at close quarters, screwing up her face. ‘Ugh! Where did you come from? Pesky little buggers!’ With the speed and precision of an assassin, she pincered two fingernails together and whipped out three or four hairs that had made an unwelcome appearance on her otherwise hairless body.

‘Are you doing what I think you’re doing?’ Dean shouted from inside the conservatory, clearly disgusted.

‘Well there ain’t no nipple fairy coming to get rid of ’em during the night, you know! Someone’s gotta do it!’ she said, calmly finishing off the right breast.

‘You’ll end up like a prune if you’re not careful,’ Dean warned as he strolled out onto the patio and perched on the edge of the hot tub in his suit. He could not help but recall the hideous, torturous birth of Paige almost two years ago and the high blood pressure situation that arose for Brooke as a result never mind the unmentionable minor damage to her lady parts. ‘How long have you been in there?’

Here he goes again!

Ever since that memorable birthday last September when the hot tub had been delivered, she’d pampered herself in it almost daily; she’d already had her money’s worth. Brooke went on the defensive and pulled a face, mocking Dean’s nagging. ‘Only about half an hour; since I put Paige to bed.’

‘You know you shouldn’t stay in there much longer. It’s not just your blood pressure I’m worried about. Did you know you can get Legionnaire’s disease and something called hot tub rash? Apparently, “the average bather’s got around one gram of faeces in their gluteal fold which then ends up in the water”. He poured a bag of crisps into his mouth until it overflowed. ‘Saw that on LADbible the other day.’

Brooke’s mind wandered back to earlier in the week when Dull Dave and Porno Gazza had been over for a ‘mates’ session. They’d been competing to see whose farts most resembled the water bubbles created by the jets. She grimaced at the mere thought of what they might’ve left behind.

Better check the chemicals tomorrow.

‘You’re such a bloody hypochondriac, Dean. I’m fine. I’m getting out now anyway.’ As she stepped out and her stunning athletic figure towered over him, she rested her hands on his shoulders so she didn’t slip.

‘Mind those plates of meat!’ Dean joked. Brooke gave him a playful slap on his head. He grabbed the towelling dressing gown off the chair. She’d bought it from The White Company at great expense, specifically for using when she got out the hot tub, along with seven new bikinis – Primark, of course – one for every day of the week. Tuesday was leopard print’s turn. Dean helped her on with the gown and wrapped her tightly from behind, around her waist, affectionately rubbing her dry and nuzzling his nose into her damp ringlets.

Helen Field is a business woman, writer, publisher of greetings cards, funny poet, speaker, traveller
and author of The Hapless Husband & His Curious Wife and also The Mystery Shopper & The Hot Tub – both books in the De’Ath Family Antics Series.

She was born and brought up in Waltham Abbey in Essex and currently lives in a small village in North West Essex, so it would be fair to say she has earned her ‘Essex girl’ badge!

Helen has had a varied and interesting career in retail and hospitality in UK, Europe and the USA, including setting up and running her own restaurant and she ran her own training consultancy to the hospitality industry. One element of her business was designing and implementing mystery shopper programmes all over the UK for some of the most well-known organisations. With inside knowledge of the industry and armed with thousands of funny mystery shopping incidents, she was inspired to write her debut novel, The Mystery Shopper & The Hot Tub.

After more than twenty years, Helen has changed direction and is now focussed on her writing. She is fortunate enough to be able to do this while travelling around the world with her husband.

She is married to Nic, has three amazing grown-up children and an African Grey Parrot.

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