Elisabeth Horan was in the grip of postpartum depression after the birth of her second son, 'red and writhing a salamander underfoot'.In this collection, Elisabeth finds the courage to survive.
Uplifting, guttural: Horan leaves her reader roaring for more.
Bad Mommy, Stay Mommy by Elisabeth Horan is published today (10 May 2019) by Fly On The Wall Poetry.
As part of the #RandomThingsTours Blog Tour, I am delighted to share one of Elisabeth's poems from the collection here with you today.
A
Son is Born, the Second
My son cannot remember the day he came
to
lose his mother.
My son only knows I was sad before
and that now I’m feeling better.
I alone know the secret; the date of
the day he lost me -
and I’ll tell you since I trust you:
It was the day my second was borne
came out shrieking - ghouls after me,
the sinner;
A lion roaring in the night -
a mauled honey badger.
Ah yes, he was lifted right out of the
smiling incision
and laid skin to skin, on my breast.
And I remember thinking he looked odd,
like a football player
helmeted with hair -
Laying on the nurses table; red and
writhing
a salamander underfoot.
And then I remember
my first-borne pointed at him and
said... out.
Praise for Bad Mommy, Stay Mommy
“What strikes me most at the core of
Elisabeth Horan’s Bad Mommy / Stay Mommy is the generosity of its voice. These
poems share fears, criticisms, confessions, shortcomings, wounds, and hopes in
full, honest throat because the poet trusts us to hear her. No matter how close
these poems get to giving up, they face fault and self-loathing like a
sandblast, coming away less diminished than polished by it. There’s pain, yes,
and even unraveling. But there is also redemption in this telling, and even
hope. Horan’s poems teem with the complexities of life. They sing even when the
song hurts. Most of all, they are necessary because, as she writes, “Saying I’m
sorry is not enough.””
Jack B. Bedell, author of No Brother, This Storm, Poet Laureate, State of Louisiana, 2017-2019
Jack B. Bedell, author of No Brother, This Storm, Poet Laureate, State of Louisiana, 2017-2019
““I cower I cackle I burn”—and, yes,
the riveting mother does just this in Elisabeth Horan’s heartbreakingly raw Bad
Mommy / Stay Mommy. The notes of Sylvia Plath ring through the telling fingers
of Horan’s sharp lines, deeply rooted in the body.
Horan adeptly takes us on the mental health tour, pulling no punches,
describing the ride of postpartum depression after birthing her second son,
“red and writhing a salamander underfoot,” unflinchingly. She bravely depicts
the out-at-sea drift of antidepressants. One of the most amazing and
gut-wrenching poems in the collection, “Basement Mother,” finds her brutally
locking herself away: “dragging a stained placenta / Surviv[ing] on its
nutrients, for years / in chains, with rats, eating shit / my own eyes, yellow
slits, / my vagina locked, breasts defiled.” Bad Mommy evokes her suicides and
calls them close: Plath and Woolf, naming herself as the third in the pack. But
Horan is not quite ready to give into the pocket of rocks, the trauma of rape,
the absent father—a trilogy quite terrifying in its own right. Stay Mommy
enters just in time and claims, though tenuous, her place and her children.
This collection exists to destigmatize the space where mothers are still shamed
for postpartum depression and mental illness. Through her wild and wondrous
voice, Horan allows so many of us to speak. And to survive.”
Jen Rouse, poet, playwright, and visual artist.
"Bad Mommy / Stay Mommy" by Elisabeth Horan
is a blazing myriad of thoughts from her severely depressed mind. Written from
the depths of a twirling stifling postpartum haze, Elisabeth's poetry her
transcend the macabre. This book of poetry is a visceral, it speaks for all
that suffer from mental illness.
While reading these epic gems, I thought "That's
me!" But then I realized that no it could never be me, I am not brave like
Elisabeth. I am not as self-aware as Elisabeth. I have yet to redeem my self
from myself as Elisabeth has done in this collection.
Elisabeth has a true poet's heart, a writer's pain,
and the unabashed honesty of a soul torn apart that will be reckoned with,
studied, adored and admired for countless generations to come.
A must-read for lovers of works written by the likes
of Sylvia Plath, Edgar Allen Poe, and Joan Didion.
Julie Anderson. Publisher
of Feminine Collective
'A Voice of a Mother's Guilt'
This is a chapbook written by a woman,
geared for women, yet eager to be read by men. If you want to get inside the
mind of a new mother who has been going through post-partum, raising children,
marriage, love, commitment, denial—then look no further. The poems in this
collection are easy to connect to as a mother and a woman. Elisabeth Horan
explains how she hates herself, especially how the world perceives her, but
mostly how she sees herself as a “failure” as a mom—the guilt of being a mom
and how everything you don’t do makes you feel guilty. As I was reading this
book, I kept nodding my head; it is the true voice of a mother’s guilt of never
feeling good enough or stable enough. Horan’s poems illustrate her
self-loathing and hatred at how motherhood affected her life, family, and
marriage. This collection is confessional, spiritual, and heartbreaking. It is
equally, uplifting, and roaring with confessions. There are some brilliant
lines throughout this book that make you go back to read over again. I find
Horan’s poetic voice a much needed read that keeps you wanting more.
Christina Strigas, author of Love &
Vodka
Elisabeth Horan is an imperfect creature
advocating for animals, children and those suffering alone and in pain -
especially those ostracized by disability and mental illness. Elisabeth is
honored to serve as Poetry Editor at Anti-Heroin Chic Magazine, and is Co-Owner
of Animal Heart Press. She recently earned her MFA from Lindenwood University
and received a 2018 Best of the Net Nomination from Midnight Lane Boutique, and
a 2018 Pushcart Prize Nomination from Cease Cows.
Elisabeth lives in rural Vermont with her
husband and two young sons. When not being poet, she works as a secretary and
loves riding horses & dancing the salsa---
Follow her
@ehoranpoet & ehoranpoet.com
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